my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
