Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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