you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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