Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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