Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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