I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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