Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
