Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
