Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
