At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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