wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
