What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
