What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
