Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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