I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
