When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
