I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
