i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
