god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
