I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
