I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just pynch a tree in the face
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
