One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
