I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show youâ€
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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