I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
