I am puke
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
