Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
