my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm too high and old for this...
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
