Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
