I'm gonna have a badass scar
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
