Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
