2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Randomize
