That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
