He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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