I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
