garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
