My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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