I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
