if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
