dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
