just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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