are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
