Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
