Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
