I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
