I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
