Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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