Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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