just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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