But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
