I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Randomize
