i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
