DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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