Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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