I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize