yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
