if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
