just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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