Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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