just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
