My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
