Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
