i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
