the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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