Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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