Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
