I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
