You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
