I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
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