The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
