i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
