im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
