I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
