is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize