Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
