There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
