Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
