literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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