we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
