Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
