it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
