too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
