I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
