So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
