And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
