i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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