good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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