she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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