So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
