i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
