Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
