we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
