I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
