I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
