OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
