I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize