I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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