Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
