remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
