did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
