WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
